You kicked some serious ass in that last sprint demo! Totally posting a shout out in Slack after this.
Add 2 units to your Purchase Pool for this round.
Listen, how long is this going to take? I have three more meetings of equal irrelevance I have to be in right now.
Add 2 units to your Purchase Pool for this round.
Move one Unplanned Work item or one Bug into the Done column.
Let’s set some time up for a peer review later today. It seemed like you had some questions about the approach. We’ll knock it out, no sweat.
Add 2 units to your Purchase Pool for this round.
Move one Feature and one Bug to the Done column.
Having an excess of automation seemed like a waste of time, but it has paid off in the long run.
Move one item in the New column directly to Done. You may also move either one Bug or one Unplaned Work item to Done.
It's pretty amazing what happens when people actually, intentionally talk to each other about what needs to happen.
Convert two Unplanned Work items into one Feature. Put that Feature in the New column.
It can definitely be challenging to keep up with new technology, new library versions, new frameworks..but I'd rather do that than have to remediate CVEs all the time.
Increase your Influence meter by 1.
We had to sit down and really think about what was useful with all of this telemetry. It got to the point where we were gettind DDoS'd by our own alerts.
Duplicate the effect of a Frontliner or Buffer you currently have on your Bench.
Half the battle in planning what you want to accomplish is being okay with not accomplishing half of what you had planned.
Duplicate the effect of a Buffer or Guardian you currently have on your Bench.
It's not the most glamorous life, but someone's gotta go through and explain what all of these things mean. Can't have someone going into a feature like "WTF does 'write a report mean?'"
Add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool. If you also have a Buffer on your Bench, add an additional unit.
I'm glad we all got on the same page about the meanings of "Ready" and "Done". I especially like the clear role boundaries.
Duplicate the effect of a Guardian or Visionary currently on your Bench.
We used to have an open technology policy until people started using whatever libraries and frameworks they wanted, and we ended up with ten different libraries just to handle and interpret JSON.
Duplicate the effect of one Frontliner, Buffer, Guardian or Visionary you currently have in play.
We can't be the only ones who are running into this. Let's see what McKinsey has to say.
Move one Unplanned Work item to Done and add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool.
Everything’s triple encrypted now. I would have settled for two Yuris. Someone trimmed down all the alerts thinking they were “noise”.
Pop one card from the Event Stream into the central discard. The next player to take a turn cannot buy anything using the Purchase Pool.
Bro, did you see that knowledge gap differential? They'll need at least six months more to get up to speed.
Move up to two Features in an opposing player's Backlog back into the New column.
Well, I am NOT leaving the Christmas party just because the system is in a death spiral. Make the vendor fix its mistake, pour some beer on it, something *hic*
This unexpected outage can either be used to:
* Draw two cards, then discard three
* Flip any Double Agent you have in play
* Add five items of Unplanned Work to an opposing player's Backlog
Wow, everyone here is so disgruntled. It should be a cinch to grab some new talent.
You may Poach any of an opposing player's active cards, either on the Board or on the Bench.
What day is it? I feel like I have something I need to get done but I don't really care anymore.
Move up to two items (Features, Bugs, Unplanned Work) from your Backlog to Done.
You must move this card to the Dead Letter Queue once used.
The Firm will be very pleased to hear of your acceptance regarding our offer.
A venture captialist has invested a sizable amount of money into your Company, which initiates Scope Creep. Add three new items of Unplanned Work to your Backlog, then move all Bugs and half of your Features to Done.
There's a big difference between getting "resources" and working with people to accomplish something larger.
Add three Unplanned Work items to another player's Backlog. If you are playing as a Consultant, add one unit to your Purchase Pool and move one Unplanned Work item to Done on your Backlog.
One of the drives in the SAN shit the bed, and the vendor replaced it with another drive that was also bad. Damn thing was in an infinite failover loop. It was like a SAN shell game.
Pop one card from the Event Stream onto the central discard pile. The next card you draw must be given to an opposing player, who must put it into play immediately. Replace the empty slot with another card as normal.
I spent a week and a half designing this, deploying it, testing it...but sure, have someone with no context review it. Seems like a great use of time.
Your Influence meter cannot be greater than 10 when you use this card. Subtract one unit from another player’s Influence index.
We regret to inform you that Keith is no longer with the Company following a violation of our Zero Tolerance policy toward harassment. He is also banned from all Hilton properites in perpetuity.
Move all items in an opposing player's Backlog to the New column.
I can't believe he referred to the team as "scrappy". In front of them. The only point of the exercise was to refocus the team's energy on what a desired future state would look like and he's waxing philosophical trying to get people "in the creative space"
Subtract two units from another player's Influence index. If you do, subtract one unit from your own as well.
Getting a complete reversal of opinion is pretty rare. And doing so with almost no effort is rather amazing!
Flip any existing Double Agent. If the card has been Flipped once, this will return it to its original alignment.
Whatever the team did to "improve" the inventory system managed to "improve" its inaccuracy.
Add two new Unplanned Work items to the Backlog of an opposing player.
You may demote a current Leader on your Board if you currently have one on the Bench.
I swear to the Gods if one more person pushes breaking changes today, I'm gonna lose my fucking shit!
Quality will suffer. All players must add two Bugs to their Backlog. Choose one opposing player to receive four instead of two.
Bonuses are up and morale is down--seems like the right time to reduce the workforce. The Shareholders have spoken!
Every player must discard one card from the Bench, and place all Features in flight back to the New column. If a player does not have any Features in flight, three new Features will be added to the New column for that player's Backlog.
We need to get to an affordable blended rate on this deal, Meg. These resources are costing us way too much.
Remember the Iron Triangle. Add one Feature and two Unplanned Work items to another player's backlog. If you are playing as a Consultant, acquire a card from the Event Stream that costs 3 units or less without paying its cost.
How am I supposed to make any progress on this new stuff if everyone is dumping shit on me all day? And how is it that I'm getting prod support calls on top of this?
Add one Bug and two Unplanned Work items to another player's Backlog.
I'm glad someone finally saw my potential!
Move one Promotable card from your Bench to the Board, replacing a currently active Board member.
Real bang-up job rolling out that mandatory security awareness training. Took all of one day for someone to socially engineer their way into the network!
Choose one card that an opposing player has in play and take it. Set it off to the side of your play area. Return the card only if the opposing player meets your ransom demand. Demands can be whatever is most beneficial to you.
How in the hell did a husky get in here? And why does he get his own office now? Is that Bill jumping from the second floor?? This is madness!
Replace up to three of your active Board members with any combination of Leaders from your Bench, another player's Bench, or another player's Board. If you choose to take from another player, give the Leader you are replacing to that player instead
Our Overlords have decreed that we must return to the office to appease the Gods of Capitalism and return to our former levels of incompetence. Excelsior!
Add one item to each of the columns on another player's Backlog. If you currently have a Leader in play with the Gluttony trait, do the same to your own Backlog as well.
Refactoring this code into a bunch of meaningless interfaces just to abstract away Bill's code? That's the kind of petty I'm here for.
Add two Unplanned Work items to another player's Backlog due to the changing interfaces and general confusion.
Goddammit! Who committed a file full of emojis to main? SHAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
Breaking the build has consequences. Add 2 Unplanned Work items to another player’s Backlog.
Just keep your head down and act natural. Once we clear the building we can upload everything.
Theft of Services introduces four new items of Unplanned Work to The Backlog of an opposing player.
You're lucky we have scans set up to catch this stuff, Blake. What made you use a version of Struts from 2012?
Add three Unplanned Work items to up to two opposing players' Backlogs.
You did it, you son of a bitch. Nirvana.
This card requires you to have at least one Feature, one Bug, and one Unplanned Work item in your Backlog AND a value of at least 12 on your Influence meter.
This card initiates an endgame scenario before the final round. All players must calculate their scores at the end of your turn. This card must be played before the final round
What the hell, man…we even replicated our DNS records to our DC, and everything still went down.
This unexpected outage causes every player to:
* Add two Bugs to the Backlog in the New column
* Demote one non-Leader card on the Board and replace it with a Leader from the discard pile.
If a player does not have any Promoted cards on the Board, that player moves two items from the Done column to the New column
On Thursday evening, a strong thunderstorm passed through and the primary datacenter controlling the identity management services was hit.
This unexpected outage only affects players that have an active Leader on the Board with one of the Traits shown. Duplicate the full count of Features, Bugs, and Unplanned Work items of another player and put them in that player's New column on the Backlog.
Give me the right tools and enough time, and I’ll build the world for you.
Add 1 to your Purchase Pool for this round.
Her domain and application knoweldge is unmatched.
Add 3 to your Purchase Pool for this round.
When my queue is clear and Grafana is calm, I will be too.
Add 1 to your Purchase Pool for this round. If you have more than oone Developer currently on your Bench, add an additional unit to the Purchase Pool.
We appreciate your cooperation with the Company’s vital cybersecurity programs.
Add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool. If this card is promoted, add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool every round.
Promotable: If you have a Promotion card on your Bench, you may promote this card to Leadership and replace an existing Leader.
I have zero reservations about telling them to fuck all the way off with their requested scope changes.
Add 3 units to your Purchase Pool for this round.
Move all Unplanned Work items into the Done column.
Let me know what support you need to roll out our newest integrated security scans in your pipelines.
Add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool for this round.
Any Bugs that might be accumulated this round will move to Done at the beginning of the next round.
Here's a playlist of the talks I've done on developer tools and experience. I'm hosting a Meetup tomorrow, hope to see you there!
Add 2 units to your Influence meter.
Flip: Subtract 2 units from your Influence meter.
Man, this is WAY different than all those dudes in Discord made it sound. I have to actually show what l did every day? Wait until I get Chat GPT wired into things.
Add 1 unit to your Influence meter.
Flip: Subtract 1 unit from your Influence meter.
Let me talk to Julia about this. She owes me a favor from the time I bailed her out a couple years ago during a botched deployment.
Bench: Add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool.
Board: Add 1 unit to your Influence meter.
Flip: Subtract the appropriate amount based on whether the card is on the Bench or the Board
We thank Jordan for his invaluable contributions to the Company, and wish him well in all his future endeavors.
Using the Future Endeavors Box allows you to either:
* Displace one Leader on your Board with a Leader you currently have on The Bench or
* Displace one Leader on an opposing player’s Board.
This cannot be used as a Promotion.
A shadowy creature approached from the East, lethargic and ominous. The winds whispered with the sounds of tasks to do and questions to answer. From a remote village it pushed slowly to the edges of technology, requiring us all to act. It was...The Needful.
The Needful must be done. Duplicate the number of Bugs and Unplanned Work items you have and add them to an opposing player’s Backlog in the New column.
A shadowy creature approached from the East, lethargic and ominous. The winds whispered with the sounds of tasks to do and questions to answer. From a remote village it pushed slowly to the edges of technology, requiring us all to act. It was...The Needful.
The Needful must be done. Duplicate the number of Bugs and Unplanned Work items you have and add them to an opposing player’s Backlog in the New column.
All of these new updates got me super pumped! I'll have all kinds of things to tinker with. Wait, was that my RSS feed?
You cannot Promote any Guardian or Visionary on your Bench this round.
Assign it to me..it's going to take less time for me to do it myself than it will take me to explain to you how to do it and why it needs to be done that way.
Whenever one or more Developers are on your Bench, the effect of the first Developer is negated.
I built this entire platform myself. It's important to me to watch checkins and pipeline runs because it's my baby. Besides, have you seen some of the shit these guys check in?
If you have The Architect on your Bench, the effect of that card is negated.
Oh, I "need to grow more" as a technologist, do I? My ideas haven't been implemented, so how am I supposed to do that? Sam over here barely moves and he's designing the next mobile platform.
Look at the Bench of the player who went before your turn started. If that player has a Visionary on the Bench, you forfeit your turn this round.
All I have to do is get two of my projects closed out by the end of the quarter and I get my ten grand. Let me check--nope, doesn't look like your project is on that list. Bummer.
Any card that would move a Feature into the Done column in your Backlog has no effect. This effect is negated if you promote a Guardian or a Visionary to the Board.
Remember how I said I had dinner with Scott when we were in London last month? I guess I told him you'd have this all migrated in 10 weeks. I was six Old Fashioneds in, but he is still holding me to that timeline. Looks like you'll be busy.
Cards that normally cost 3 units or less now cost twice as much.
Bro, if it ain't bleeding edge, I can't even feel it. PBR me.
Any time an opposing player adds anything to your Backlog, multiply by 1.5x. If this results in a partial Feature, Bug, or Unplanned Work item, round up and add a whole item.
Containers are the great equalizer. I deploy with them. I code with them. I run servers in them. It's just plug and play, y'know? If a company doesn't have containerization on its roadmap, I think they aren't serious about the longevity of their product.
Any time you add a new Feature to your Backlog, add an Unplanned Work item as well.
I get what you're saying, I really do. My point is that we need to manually go through all of our projects and repositories to ensure we aren't missing anything. We can't completely trust automation.
Another player may decrement your Purchase Pool prior to buying any cards. You must announce to all players that you intend to buy cards, at which point they can remove 1 unit from the Pool. Only one player may do so in one round.
The amount of effort he puts into not working would be enough to actually just do his job.
If you have a Double Agent in play and someone plays a Flip card against you, you forfeit your next turn. Do not reset or clear the Bench until your next turn.
If I can manage to get the Company to buy two more major licensing packages, Oracle is going to hire me for sure.
Any card played against you by a Consultant, including Consultants or Offshoring, have a 1.5x effect. This includes if you are playing as a Consultant.
Delegation is truly an art form, and I am a painter. I can't possibly make all of these decisions myself.
If you have played a card that would move a Feature to the Done column, you will require one more card of equal ability to move the Feature into Done.
He has yet to meet a service he doesn't like. This application will be a tech amoeba in less than a month.
If the player right before you has more than two Frontliners on the Bench, reduce your Purchase Pool by the amount of Frontliners that player has on the Bench.
What do you mean we're implementing CQRS? If you do that, no one is going to understand it. Do you WANT me to quit? This place will implode without me.
If you currently have an Influencer on your Bench, its effect cannot be used.
I'm going to get these services pushed out to prod and hang out for a couple months so I get the street cred. I'll be getting calls from FANGs in no time.
If you have an SME on your Bench, that card's effect is reversed.
I was at CloudFest last week and this presenter stood up an entire region of infrastructure in ten minutes. Why can't your teams do that? What's so difficult? They did it so easily!
Any Countermeasure you have on your Bench will be negated for this round.
I'm pushing for a reorg so I can get the middleware teams aligned under me, which will give me a greater ability to drive change and ultimately make my life--er, our lives--easier.
Any time you have an IT Pro on your Bench, you do not collect any units for that card to put toward your Purchase Pool.
That approach is pretty good...let's rewrite it all and add one slight tweak to the telemetry handler.
He dit it his way. Each round, add one Bug to the New column of your Backlog if you have one or more work items active in the In Progress column.
I don't see what all the fuss is about. We would need to learn a ton of new things, and we have a pretty full queue right now. And what happens to Kerry's team when this goes live? They have all been here for ten years, minimum. Do they just get fired?
Any card that would add Unplanned Work to your Backlog will add twice as much.
What they're proposing will never work. They should have listened to me instead of wasting all this time setting up infrastructure in code. It'll all have to be redone...
If you have The Architect, SME, or Tech Lead on your Bench, their effects are negated. All of them
I really don't understand what takes them all so long. I can crank through this in an afternoon. Maybe I should script them all out of jobs!
Only half of the Frontliners on your bench are able to add units to the Purchase Pool. If this would result in a partial contribution, round down to the nearest whole number.
I can see it now…imagine having everything automated, just a button click away. We could work part time, solving the important problems. The Company would love us. I'll have to write a few blog posts about this dream state over the weekend.
Any time you move an item to Done in your Backlog create a new item of that type and add it to the New column.
Spotiflix Prime starts most conversations with "Well, Spotify does..." or "Actually, Netflix uses..", as though they are the only companies to have ever written software to handle high scale or high throughput.
Add 1 unit to your Influence meter.
Flip: Subtract 1 unit from your Influence meter
We should break this application up into as many units of work as we can. Then it will be easier to scale, monitor, and integrate them individually!
Add 1 unit to your Purchase Pool.
Flip: Subtract 1 unit from your Influence meter.
+2
+2/R
If you're not following Scrum or Agile to the letter, then why even bother using it at all? It's like subjective justice.
Flip: Subtract 2 units from your Purchase Pool this round. If this card is on the Board, start each round with a -2 unit deficit in your Purchase Pool.
+1
+1R
Dubbed the "Leadership Unicorn", she maintains her technical relevancy through hands-on work and lends her blended perspective of business and technology to every encounter.
Option: During your turn, you may replace an existing Leader with this card.
Dude, I haven't slept in three days. I knocked out all of the backend services for the domains and mocked out the UI. I'm super psyched to show you.
If you have any items of Unplanned Work in your Backlog, you may move no more than 1 into the Done column.
There are people who tell you what to do and when to do it, and then there are people who motivate you to be better.
If you have any items of Unplanned Work in your Backlog, you may move no more than 1 into the Done column.
By the time the team received the alerts, all of the cluster's resources had already been maxed out. Who let this get deployed?
This card impacts a future round. Two turns from now, move one item currently in your Backlog to the Done column. If you have no items in your Backlog, add a new Feature and a new Unplanned Work item to your Backlog.
I'm surprised you didn't know that was out of scope. You should really read these contracts, man, they put some wild stuff in there.
Management missed a critical detail in the Statement of Work. Remove a Feature from your Backlog.
How the hell did we end up spending $250k on data egress charges last month?? What was replicating, the entire fucking Internet?
Designs are made to be broken. Add two new Unplanned Work items to another player's Backlog.
You know those places where you rent a floor out and destroy old office equipment? I wanna do that, only with people.
It's all a charade. Move two work items of your choice to the Done column on another player's Backlog.
It's not ideal, but Paxton said we could get three new hypervisors and have a local VMWare instance running out of the old maintenance closet. Just in case.
Great for local development but not sustainable long-term. Move two items from the New column of your Backlog to the corresponding in-flight columns. In two rounds, if you have not moved them into the Done column, move them back to the New column.
Wait a minute, you mean to tell me Ryan had the production item processing app and database running on a machine under his desk this whole time?
Add three Unplanned Work items to another player's Backlog, and add one to your own Backlog.
It takes way too long for engineering to give us ways to run applications. I started a subscription on my company card to some low-code app builder so we can serve our customers better.
Their impatience is your emergency. This card invokes Scope Creep, regardless of whether it is before or after the Pulse Check.
I need another hoodie like I need a hole in the head. But it looks hella comfy. Grab a couple handfuls of those fidget spinners, the kids love those.
Acquire any card in the Event Stream with a cost of 4 or less without paying its price.
If this is played after the Pulse Check, acquire a card with a cost of 2 or less.
If this is played after the Readout, it has no effect.
I don't give a shit about sentiment, I give a shit about productivity!
KPIs must be met. Negate the effects of any Guardian you currently have in play on your Bench.
"We'll be conducting more interviews in the next week and will be sure to let you know once you've moved to the next stage." Brent knew this was a lie.
Their loss is your gain. Poach one active card in play from another player's Bench or Board.
My objective for this quarter is to have each engineer on my team take one training course. Three cheers for career development.
Add two units to the Purchase Pool this round. If you have any other Countermeasures on the Bench, add one additional unit.
It's not my fault you can't keep up with the pace of development. I'm just trying to keep things moving.
The Scrumbag is a master of manipulation. Once per round, you may move one card from another player's Bench to your Bench. You must return the card at the end of your turn.
When they said AI was coming for our jobs, I didn't figure there would be mass firings this quickly. I guess people don't know about waiting until version 3 of something before putting stock in it.
If it's in the LLM, it's fair game. If you have a Buffer in play on your Bench, negate the effects of it. If you have more than one Buffer in play, negate only one of them.
It's not that we don't know what we want, it's that we don't know what we want yet. We'll know it when we see it.
Requirements are a moving target. Move one player's Feature from the Done column back to the New column.
It is inevitable that you kiss the ring. I am the one who will guide you to the light, the Promised Land of Continuous Delivery.
The Pontiff's desire for admiration fuels his intent to control. Negate the effects of one Frontliner on another player's Bench.
I may have a new hat and shades, but my task management knows no bounds!
Move one Unplanned Work item and one Bug from the New column of your Backlog to the Done column, then add a new Feature to your Backlog.
"I am become Scrumbag, destroyer of backlogs." In its final form, Scrumbag becomes sentient and turns everyone on the team into a Kanban board.
You have now become the automation you sought to create. Move all items from the Done column of another player's Backlog to the New column.
Why are you so inept? I’ve been doing this for years and I’m still in high school. Wait till my dad hears about this.
Nepotism hires are the hallmark of mediocre companies. If you have the Scrumbag on your Board, double its effect.
This in-person AI event sounded like a good idea at first, but based on the lack of promotion, we'll be lucky if a handful of people actually show up.
Move one Feature to the Done column on your Backlog, then add two work items of your choice to the New column. If you choose to add two of the same work item type, you may also add one of that type to all players' Backlogs.
Your developers were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.
If you have a Visionary on your Bench or the Board, you may move one Feature from the New column to the Done column.
It's time to face the music. We're not going to make the deadline. We need to figure out what we can deliver and what we can't.
The Sobering Level-Set is a reality check. Move one Feature from the Done column back to the New column on another player's Backlog.
The mailers were sent to the inbox with care, with hopes a naive client soon would be there.
They're really selling that new feature. Add three Unplanned Work items to another player's backlog.
I was not expecting that level of detail on how the enrollment APIs work. A classic case of too much sausage-making.
No one has time for all that. Move one Feature from the In Progress column back to the New column on another player's Backlog.
I was testing the payments screen and when the confirmation modal popped up, I got whatever the hell this is. Is this expected functionality?
Add two Bugs to another player's Backlog. If you do, move one Bug back to the New column on your own Backlog.
Brad, all this appears to be is a bunch of circles on a web page with some remedial UML diagrams. How does this tell me anything about our application portfolio?
Sometimes it's more than the thought that counts. Add one Unplanned Work item to each player's Backlog.
When I was hired as a "modern developer" I didn't realize it would mean needing to know how to convert files from ASCII to EBCDIC using modern programming languages.
You may negate the effect of one Frontliner on another player's Bench.
I don't get it. She has four levels of management above her deferring to her on company-wide platform decisions.
Negate the effects of any Countermeasure currently on the Bench.
Our scrum master uses an Elmo doll to get people's attention, saying "Enough, let's move on". They all think it's funny, but it makes me murderous inside.
Gimmicks are not the answer. Move one Unplanned Work item from the New column to the Done column on another player's Backlog, and add one Unplanned Work item to your own Backlog.
I was here working when you were in diapers, and once I finish fusing to my workstation, I'll be here long after you're gone. Time is a man-made construct.
Negate the effect of one Guardian you have on your Bench. If you have a Leader in play who has the Greed Trait, do the same for any players with a Guardian in play.
Pat was convinced the scripting wouldn't take that long. Even after one escalation, he was as confident as a drunk playing pool in a bar. The second escalation and three additional team members said otherwise.
Move any two work items from In Progress back to New on another player's Backlog.
I talked to Mary about getting those conference tickets approved. Andy will probably be pissed, but she asked about it so I gave her the answer. Whatever helps the team get an advantage.
Budgets are just logical constructs. Decrease another player's Influence meter by one unit.
He was so sure that the new feature was going to be a hit that he went ahead and told the CEO about it. The CEO was excited, but on release day it crashed the entire platform. Yikes.
Decrease another player's Influence meter by two units. If you are playing cooperatively, decrease it by one unit.
It's not ideal, but we can use the Baltic Clearinghouse to handle the data transfer. It's not the most secure, but it's the cheapest way to get the data where it needs to go.
Move one Feature from the New column to the In Progress column on your Backlog.
He's the one who always has the answer, even if it's not the right one. He's the one who will enable you to make the wrong decision, and then make excuses about why it wasn't intentional.
Negate the effect of one Guardian you have on your Bench. If you have another Leader in play who has the Greed Trait, do the same for any players with a Guardian on their Bench.
I finished my pull request review and she asked me how long it would take to implement. I told her three weeks and she said I had to cancel my PTO to make sure I was here for the release. The fucking audacity!
If another player has a Leader on the bench, you may move that Leader to the Board.